Aphex Twin - again

You abandoned me. Just when I thought I'd finally seen the light and got it, just realised all I had was a pair of empty pockets. 

I had asked God for this moment to come, for so many years now. Yes, I had been there before, but no, I've never been here before. This time it is indeed different, and it is indeed real. Or at least I thought it was. Yes, I had been there before, but this time I wouldn't cope. All hopes and expectations put and given to you in your hands. 

So I runaway again and looked for comfort in the arms of another man. Drinks to drink and men to hold, yeah, but no love and no protection. Inspection and cold empowerment instead. 'I can handle this', I said to myself. I felt smart, and it felt good; but I felt disgusting. I was inspected and told I looked like shit. No good compliments have ever come my way. Am I still pretty? I know I am. although I've been trying to destroy myself lately. No sleep, more food than needed, my belly is massive, and my entire body is swollen. Whatever comes next...

Took me from my lower tooth and looked inside; touched my centipede-shaped scar and looked at it; turned me around, looked at my greasy and uneven butt and thighs covered in cellulite, and spanked me; even took my socks off and looked at the warmth of my hurt feet - had been walking so much that day, trying to find myself. No kissing allowed. I stopped.